Kathy: "Keep it short. You just like to hear yourself talk. I seriously think you are your biggest fan."

I had an idea for a story once. I thought of it again yesterday when I pulled down Volume VII of the Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce to quote the Devil's Dictionary on the meaning of "politics." I ordered this set more than 30 years ago and it is one of the few things I have been able to hang onto as the book shelf space has shrunk with serial downsizing of houses.

I intended to read it beginning to the end, Volumes I through XII.

(Then the Regional Commander for the Holy Spirit Association for the Unification of World Christianity (the Moonies, followers of Sun Myung Moon) got beat up by the Chief of Police while begging for alms in the City of Aubrey, Texas. As is often the case when someone is beaten by a policeman, the Regional Commander was charged with assault on a police officer.

At the time I was considering whether to leave my nearly still-born career as a lawyer to spend the rest of my life shooting free-throws in the back yard. I had sued the sheriff over the jail conditions in Denton County. (This being during my second Babylonian Captivity). He started locking me in the jail for several hours when I tried to visit clients. Also, the sheriff controlled the bonds. This was a county that did not allow bondsmen, but only lawyer-bonds, and the sheriff wouldn't let me make any more bonds. My law practice, already at risk of being declared a hobby by the IRS, went from sparse to nothing.

The Regional Commander found me in the back yard and hired me. The District Attorney dismissed the case against him, we sued Aubrey for violating the Free Exercise Clause of the 1st Amendment, got a consent judgment declaring the Solicitation Ordinance in Aubrey unconstitutional, and the Regional Commander brought me two hundred files of other cities in Texas and Oklahoma he wanted to sue. I bought the first word processor in the county and was suddenly fully employed again.

So my free-throw shooting career came to an end and my plans for this book were put on hold. ) Yes, Uncle Toby, a digression.

Back to Bierce:

Ambrose Bierce disappeared into the Mexican Revolution. He is known to have been with Pancho Villa's army during his last discovered letter. There was some speculation he had committed suicide. He was in his 70's. He had written a letter to his niece Lori including this:

"Good-bye — if you hear of my being stood up against a Mexican stone wall and shot to rags please know that I think that a pretty good way to depart this life. It beats old age, disease, or falling down the cellar stairs. To be a Gringo in Mexico — ah, that is euthanasia!"

Then there was B. Traven, who wrote Treasure of the Sierra Madres. Traven would have been in Mexico about the time Bierce was there, if Bierce had survived long enough. Bierce was in Mexico in late 1913. Traven was there probably by 1924.

Traven is a puzzle. No one has figured out who he was. He would go by the nickname, El Gringo, and changed his name often. He had some American and some German connections. One anecdote I have heard is that when Treasure of the Sierra Madres was being made into a movie he surfaced for a while to give technical suggestions and then disappeared.

So we have two great personalities and writers. One disappeared in Mexico without a trace and one appeared in Mexico without a history.

My story was that they were the same person. Pretty cool, right?

I planned to read everything either writer published so I could steep myself in both their personalities. I then planned to write the great American novel and in the process explain in fiction both Bierce's disappearance and Traven's appearance.

There were a few problems with this theory. First, Bierce should have been born about 50 years before Traven. If the guy who died in 1969 was really Bierce (or Traven for that matter), Bierce would have died at age 155.

Second, Traven's work may have been originally written in German and translated.

Third, Traven most likely was in Germany or Chicago when Bierce was in San Francisco.

Fourth, writing styles are not very similar. It has been so long since I've read either, I hate to characterize them, but I think it is fair to say they are not similar.

Bierce was known as "Bitter Bierce" and besides his caustic humor he wrote eery short stories: One for instance about an officer directing artillary at his own family's house out of a sense of duty. Another, about a man being hanged from a bridge and the thoughts that went through his mind just before the rope snapped his neck.

Traven was spare in his style and wrote in defense of Mexican Indian rights and Wobbly politics.

All right, I admit, there were a few problems with the idea.

Then Carlos Fuentes wrote El Gringo Viejo and gave his version of Bierce's disappearance. Thus ended my project; I had little enough confidence that I could produce anything worthwhile even without having to be compared with the likes of Carlos Fuentes. The big upside, though, was that I had an excuse to spend a lot of time reading Bierce and Traven.