"I'm Your Worst Nightmare, an MBA with a Badge"

"Did I remember to buy personal hygiene products for the women prisoners?

Does the commissary have Cheetos?

I think there should be a state constitutional amendment to allow individual counties to switch to a more administrative sheriffs department in which is a sheriff that meets a set of qualifications is hired not elected.

Patricia A.

I have been mulling this suggestion since I first read it. Sheriffs do seem poor fits for their jobs. Would appointing them improve the quality of justice and law enforcement?

It is hard for me to get my mind around an appointed sheriff. The sheriff has traditionally been the most politically powerful and usually the most popular figure in the county. The first sheriff I met was Wiley Barnes in Denton County jail. I was a seventeen year old high school student who had been picked up for fist fighting at the truck stop after the Senior Prom. I say "picked up" rather than "arrested," because Sheriff Wiley decided if someone was arrested or not when they got to the jail. We were "just some boys blowing off steam," and we should hold on to it because "we would both be getting all the fighting we wanted to do soon enough in Vietnam." So he let us go.

The sheriff was wrong about us both fighting in Vietnam; my adversary had wrapped his truck around a telephone pole and I escaped to a student deferment before the year was up. But the sheriff was usually right.

Sheriff Wiley was a slight man and dapper. He was one of the few Texas sheriffs I have known who did not wear a cowboy hat. He looked more like someone you would meet at a wine-tasting party. He was known, though, by his gloves. He carried around a pair of cream-colored lambskin gloves. The room would get quiet if he put on the gloves. No rowdy, no matter how big, could ever beat him in a fair fight and he personally controlled crime one on one.

The sheriff finally left office after the feds caught him warning a local doctor that the doctor's son would be arrested on a federal drug charge.

Before his fall, who would the county commissioners have appointed? Sheriff Wiley. Who would the legislature have chosen? Sheriff Wiley. Who would the governor have appointed? Sheriff Wiley.

But those were simpler times. There was one party and no one's opinion mattered but the good old boys'.

Who might be hired or appointed for sheriff today in Denton County? The governor would likely pick some blow-dried sissy Aggie who impressed him when he was working for the Senate as one of the sergeants at arms. The legislature would select a smart young lobbyist with a strong anti-abortion record. The county commissioners would pick a real estate developer who had previously served as Republican County Chairman.

Who would the likely Cameron County appointments be? Sophie and Jared are recent appointments, so they may be fairly characteristic of the choice on a county level. Carlos Cascos has the governor's ear, so Carlos would likely have a say if the governor got to pick. The former county treasurer, maybe? I'm not sure these would not be better sheriffs than we will elect, but it would certainly be different.

What qualifications does a sheriff need? In the rural areas, the sheriff performs the functions of the police. As more and more of a county is incorporated, the less important this function becomes. Nonetheless, for that role we would want an experienced cop. Maybe a degree or a masters in law enforcement? Social work? Anthropology? Forensic medicine? In Cameron County the sheriff must deal with a lot of bodies being dropped around. A sniffer canine trainer or a pathologist might be the ticket.

Cameron County Sheriff's office has some very clever cops who have knack for DNA and other scientific evidence. I can see them as good sheriffs but not good politicians. Maybe one could get an appointment in the unlikely event that a commissioners court wanted to pick the most qualified candidate.

Sheriffs also serve process. This takes more of an administrator hiring the right people. Maybe experience in management? Business degree?

And then there is the jail. This has become a long-term residence for thousands and the sheriff must fill all the roles of running a small company town that no one can leave. My local choice for this position would be Mike Leinart, the current chief jail administrator. If he had the final say and the right resources, I think it would be a different jail. He might be able to get an appointment, but I don't see him running for office; the qualities that would make him good at the job--honesty, in particular-- would make it hard for him to get elected.

One measure of what appointed sheriffs might look like would be to look at U.S. Marshals. In some ways this is comparing apples and oranges because the resources of the feds are so great and those of the county so small. But Marshals don't run jails, at least not here. These are all contracted out to public and private facilities and the results are bad.

The federal prisons I have seen are not bad (if ever a prison can be good). So I think the feds could run a decent jail if anyone wanted to do so.

What, though, are the qualities of a U.S. Marshal? They are virtually invisible. As much time as I spend with federal prisoners, I couldn't tell you who the U.S. Marshal is in the Southern District. Can anyone name a U.S. Marshal besides Matt Dillon and Wyatt Earp?

Even if we were to decide a constitutional amendment to hire sheriffs is a good idea, it would be a pie in the sky hope--much like waiting for the year of jubilee. Trying to take away the power of elected sheriffs would meet a juggernaut of opposition that would crush any silly reformer in its path. It would be even more difficult than trying to politically challenge J.P.'s or chiropractors.